Meeting Him

I've rarely considered going back to the beginning of it all. 

I wasnt entirely ready to meet someone new. I wanted to feel safe. I knew that really all I wanted was someone to stand in my space and protect me from him. To be stronger and my lifeline when he returned.

It had only been a few weeks admittedly since the last time I saw him. And he was losing himself more everytime. He walked around my small flat with a twisted manner of displease and contempt brewing within him. I had never seen someone conquer such energy from nowhere. I heard the voices talking to him as he muttered to himself and always prayed they would let him rest. The relentless chatter told him I was to blame and I was the one to judge and therefore punish.

It had been three years of knowing him at this stage. I'd meet a man with a positive smile and a hard working ethic. Dedication to his job. Formal dress and well mannered. And when he approached me at my desk I was immediately taken aback by his brown eyes that were childlike and read him as someone who could change the world with his charisma and charm. He was truly the most intelligent man I'd ever met as he created systems and understood computers in a way I'd never known before. 

Within months of working alongside him, that person I met changed shape and form. There was a darkness, a shadow that followed him into the office and his shoes now flip flips and hoodies over his head. I could've walked away knowing something wasn't right but instead it drew me nearer to him. 

One day a message popped on my screen. * I was a foster child* he told me. Without much prior conversation I felt slightly confused. I replied in kind *oh I was too* we had connected and from that day onwards started the whirlwind of mayhem of mental illness. 

This is the beginning of a story of Narcissistic Abuse. This is a story of Schizophrenia and Bi-Polar. 

This is my story.